I have long held a belief that is probably absurd, and I don't actually believe it, but I still entertain it from time to time: you can usually tell how good an NFL player will be based on his name.
Now I know that might seem ridiculous, but bear with me here.
If you've followed the NFL for a long time, I think you can read a prospect's name and subconsciously run it through your unofficial database in your head and compare the name to past players.
For instance, if your name is similar to a draft bust of the past, you will probably be a bust yourself. Conversely, if you have a good, strong "Football Name" such as Sanders (See: Barry and Deion) or Peterson (See: Adrian and Patrick) you will probably be a star. On that same note, I think it's impossible to be a bad football player if your last name is "Woodson" (Hello Rod and Charles) ESPECIALLY if you're a defensive back. Which brings me to my next point...
I also think that what position you play is a big part of it. Sometimes you hear a name and it just screams "Pro Bowl lineman" but if it belonged to a linebacker, it might scream "average to 'meh'" instead.
You may laugh at this, but one day you may see me on your TV during the draft, in some NFL team's war room, using my highly sophisticated "Football Name" metric to help my team evaluate prospects.
And I may just look straight into the camera and say "Who's laughing now?"
I've never actually put this idea into writing or into the public sphere or whatever til today. So let's take a look at some of the top prospects in the upcoming NFL Draft and see if we can predict how good they'll be, based SOLELY on their names.
If it turns out I was wrong in 3-4 years, feel free to come back to this post and make fun of me. If I'm right though, you better give me my propers.
We'll evaluate according to this NFL.com top 50 prospects article, though we'll just do the top 25.
1. Laremy Tunsil, offensive tackle, Ole Miss
Pro Bowler, mark it down. I can just hear Al Michaels now: "Laremy Tunsil was a Pro Bowler last year in his second season out of Ole Miss."
2. Jalen Ramsey, defensive back, Florida State
Ehh, I'm torn on this one. I like Ramsey a lot as a prospect, but we're evaluating just on names here. "Jalen Ramsey" just doesn't do a whole lot for me. I'm gonna say somewhere around average.
3. Myles Jack, linebacker, UCLA
Okay "Myles Jack" is just a badass name in general, no matter what your profession is. The "y" instead of "i" in Myles takes the name from boring butler to sophisticated bouncer, and Jack just sounds rugged. The two names work together to from perfect "tough guy" harmony. For a linebacker, no less, I'm gonna say Pro Bowler hands down.
4. Joey Bosa, defensive end, Ohio State
This name just sounds like a guy who should be down in the trenches doing what linemen do. However, it's not a strong enough name for me to predict superstardom here. The "Bosa" part is cool but "Joey," ehh. Therefore I'll predict a slightly above-average ceiling for our friend Mr. Bosa.
5. DeForest Buckner, defensive tackle, Oregon
This is the first name I'm really not feeling at all. This just sounds like somebody who will be drafted highly by a team like the Jaguars only for his college game not to translate to the pros. Bust.
6. Ezekiel Elliott, running back, Ohio State
When you look at the top running backs in the game over the years, their names have generally been pretty common ones- Adrian Peterson, David Johnson, Chris Johnson, Demarco Murray, Jamaal Charles, Ray Rice- it goes on and on. While some of the first OR last names have been uncommon in these backs, "Ezekiel" and "Elliott" are not names you typically see. So I'm going to say bust.
7. Carson Wentz, quarterback, North Dakota State
Sorry Mr. Wentz but I'm not impressed by your name at all. I just can't envision anyone rushing to their local pro shop or online to buy a "Wentz" jersey. Sorry, but bust.
8. Jared Goff, quarterback, California
This just sounds like the name of a stud college quarterback that is a massive disappointment for whichever team that drafts him to be its "future." According to names, I'm not a big fan of any of this draft's "top quarterbacks." Stay away NFL teams!
9. Jaylon Smith, linebacker, Notre Dame
Decent name for a linebacker, though if you draft him to be a star I think you'll be disappointed. I'm gonna say average, serviceable starter.
10. Reggie Ragland, linebacker, Alabama
I love alliteration in defensive players, and "Reggie" has been a historically strong football name. I also love alliteration, and I think RR will be a star defensive cornerstone for the franchise that grabs him. Above average with Pro Bowl upside.
11. Vernon Hargreaves, defensive back, Florida
The first thing that jumps out to me is the "greaves" in "Hargreaves." In case you didn't know, the armor knights wore on their legs for defense were called greaves. Hargreaves is a defensive player in a position that has to run a lot(see, legs connection!?) Therefore, Pro Bowler. Boom.
12. Leonard Floyd, linebacker, Georgia
This name just doesn't do a whole lot for me. I'm gonna say a floor of slightly below average with a ceiling of average, though not a complete bust.
13. Jarran Reed, defensive tackle, Alabama
What a well-put together name we have here. I like all of the "R's". R is a tough letter, and that's exactly what he will have to be playing in the trenches. Enjoy this Pro Bowl projection, Mr. Reed.
14. Eli Apple, defensive back, Ohio State
So which part jumps out at you more: "Eli" or "Apple?" Lucky or not, we know that Eli Manning has won two Super Bowls. But he's a quarterback. And Apple is just a ridiculous name, sorry. I'm gonna predict bust here. Though I do kinda hope two things happen:
1) He gets drafted by the New York Jets or Giants leading to several overdone "Big Apple" puns by commentators.
2) He proves me wrong and becomes a superstar, so super that he gets an endorsement deal with... wait for it... Apple. Hehe!
15. Ronnie Stanley, offensive tackle, Notre Dame
Good name for a lineman, I'll take it. Solid starter.
16. Corey Coleman, wide receiver, Baylor
This name doesn't sound like a superstar, but a solid number 2 or 3 guy- which might be disappointing for his team if he really goes this high. The alliteration is a good sign though- see Steve Smith, Cris Carter, and Julio Jones (ok maybe that last one doesn't count). But I'll go ahead and say this name indicates a Pierre Garcon, James Jones-type (hey more alliteration!) AKA solid starter.
17. A'Shawn Robinson, defensive tackle, Alabama
This is another name where you plug it into the sentence "_______ is a Pro Bowl defensive tackle" and it just sounds right.
18. Laquon Treadwell, wide receiver, Ole Miss
Wow, this just sounds like a boss wide receiver. You can almost hear the broadcast call:
"Touchdown, Treadwell!" Eventual Pro Bowler for sure.
19. Mackensie Alexander, defensive back, Clemson
This name checks out in the "Football Name" criteria. Just sounds strong and dominant- especially the Alexander part (think Alexander the Great). Solid starter to Pro Bowler, and if he shortens his first name to "Mack" I'll even go out on a limb to predict All-Pro.
20. Robert Nkemdiche, defensive tackle, Ole Miss
If pronouncing a person's name is intimidating, said person is probably imposing too. I'm sure he has a lot of built-up rage over people mispronouncing his name over the years: all those teachers stumbling along and butchering it once they got to him on the roll sheet, all the other kids laughing. I'll bet he envisions them all when he's out there destroying people on the field. Opposing quarterbacks would be better off insulting The Waterboy Adam Sandler's "momma." Pro Bowler.
21. Paxton Lynch, quarterback, Memphis
Doesn't this name just seem so Blaine Gabbert-y? Though Lynch has been a strong football name for other positions (see: Marshawn Lynch, John Lynch), I just don't see it as a successful quarterback name. For instance, if my Cowboys select Paxton Lynch at number four, I envision myself a couple of years down the road complaining about the Cowboys like I always do, lamenting "Remember when we drafted Paxton Lynch when we could have had (insert Pro Bowler from same draft here)?"
I probably don't need to say how I feel this prospect will turn out.
22. Kevin Dodd, defensive end, Clemson
Sorry but I can't just ignore that "Dodd" sounds an awful lot like "Dud." If you're a defensive lineman and gonna have a generic, non-imposing name like "Kevin" you better follow it up with some heat in that last name. It just doesn't happen here. I won't say complete bust, but I will say slightly below average to bust.
23. Darron Lee, linebacker, Ohio State
This name flows really well, and while I don't see him as a rugged, hard-hitting type of 'backer, I'm feeling like he'd be the kind to get a lot of picks like Bobby Wagner or Sean Lee (look at that, another Lee, yup this is undeniable). I'm gonna say solid, above-average starter with a Pro Bowl here and there for his career.
24. Shaq Lawson, defensive end, Clemson
Hey Shaq, thanks for making this one easy. Your name is "Shaq" for crying out loud, and seeing that you play defensive line you're probably big and dominating just like the basketball player. And as if that weren't enough, you have the last name "Lawson" so you're gonna lay down the law, son. Love it. Perennial Pro Bowler.
25. Jack Conklin, offensive tackle, Ohio State
This name, to me, just sounds like a lineman who starts for a team for a couple seasons, but never really catches on. Sorry Jack.
Do you agree with this methodology? Should I be making six figures lazily analyzing the names of prospects for NFL teams? Comment below!
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